He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
