so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
