i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He shit in the fireplace
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
