uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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