hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
