I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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