I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
