YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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