you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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