like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
