New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
