Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
