My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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