my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
