How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
