its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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