you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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