he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
