she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
