Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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