Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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