Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
