Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
