nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
