I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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