Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
