you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
