He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
