he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize