I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
