Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
