you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
