Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
