The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
