; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
