I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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