did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
