No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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