he shaved USA in his pubs
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
