Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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