If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just pee around me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize