My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
