my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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