YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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