awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
