okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize