She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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