Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
