Soap is not a condiment
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
