never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
