the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
