Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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