She's JV to your varsity
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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