Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
