P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
