Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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