I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
