ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
