I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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