i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
