I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
